since the beginning of summer this year i started to feel like i had too much on my plate and something needed to go. but i brushed it aside thinking, i can do this, everyone else does. i can own and run a successful business and be the mom and wife i always dreamed of. but the voice inside my head said “no jenn, you can’t. not yet … your kids are still too young”. so there i stood at a fork in the road with a huge decision to make. my family is my obviously number one priority, but design work is such a huge part of what makes me…me. i had this wonderful contract with a company in seattle that provided me steady work and nice extra income for our family. i also was trying to build my own brand so i continued to except freelance work. but by the time my obligations for my contract were filled, i was left working late into the night on everything else. which is hard in general. throw in a baby who doesn’t like to sleep and i was teetering on the edge of extreme exhaustion. so i took a step back and looked at what it was i truly wanted, and what i didn’t want. here is what i came up with :
what i wanted : to be the mom who is at all the soccer games and practices. i want to be the mom who is able to wait for her children to come home from school. the mom who does arts and crafts during the day and has tickle feasts at night and snuggles on the couch to watch a cartoon with a big bowl of popcorn. i want to be the wife who is available to listen to her husbands day and be the woman he fell in love with. i want to design. it’s my passion and it makes me happy, its a nice release for me after a day filled with kids. overall, i want my children to grow up with a mother who shows them the importance of not loosing yourself. who shows them thats its ok … that is is healthy to take time to yourself. to have dreams and passions.
what i don’t want : is to work late into the night and not have a chance to spend quality time with my husband to get that “design/release time”. i don’t want to quickly leave the dinner table in order to do work. i don’t want to be so tied to the computer all day, rather i want to get out in my community, meet people, play, get involved in things i love. i want balance.
so i had to make a choice. this was not an easy one mind you. jehn design needed to slim down – but i wasn’t ready to say goodbye. and then the universe did something great for me, like it knew i could not make the final call. the company i held a contract with was moving everything in house. i was invited to be apart of the team, but i knew right then what my decision was. as the contract recently faded to a close, it gave me the much needed breathing room i needed. i had more time for activities with my kids. more time for freelance work, and building back up my etsy store. i have this new balance — i am working a lot less than i was 6 months ago (and making a lot less money) but it feels right. and when the time is right, maybe i will kick it back up a notch. but i will still be around, because like i said … i need this …. .for me. for now i will continue to add products to my etsy store, blog on occasion (maybe once a week, every few weeks). i will continue to take on re-branding projects and invitation design projects — but i am going to be a bit more picky on these, make sure they fit in with my family and our schedule. basically i will be saying no more than yes, so that i can more so enjoy this time with my children.
i am excited about this new chapter of jehn design. i have a feeling that this new balance is going to allow me to really give each project the creative juice it deserves, and in turn i will be able to produce some things i am really proud of.