unprepared

sometimes you look up and realize it’s almost been a months and months since you did that one thing that you really sort of like doing. but you also realize you really needed the break because family, house guests, sicknesses, having a baby, etcetera kinda all needed your attention. but hi! how ARE you? is anyone even out there anymore? not that i could blame you if you weren’t. i hope you are though because i sure do like you.

hanging out is kind of our thing these days. with the new baby, and the weather being still rainy and chilly – the park is out of the question most days. my yearly case of the “oh my goodness i hate the winter why does it try to kill me with the gloomies every year” is in full effect and i spend my days hoping for an early spring so i can open the windows and stop breathing this heated air. the good news is our house is much brighter than our last place so overall my blues are not as bad as they have been in the past, but i still find myself feeling like a flaming bag of gloom most days.

these days i juggle working on my computer, feeding the monkey baby while reading, coloring and pretending to nap while we tear our room the eff apart (well, big brother does that part). then we have talks about cleaning up after ourselves, in which he acts like i’m trying to kill him by suggesting he put things away because omg, being 2 is really hard. i have a learned a few things since adding the new addition to our lives, which i have decided to share :

one. i am slowly learning to find satisfaction in allowing an experience be what it is instead of feeling disappointed that it is not what i imagined it would be. my optimism creates this ideal about how things should go during the day and the reality is that life with a toddler and a newborn is very unpredictable. rarely do things go as planned – i am learning to not only accept this but to try to find the good in it.

two. park next to the cart return. always.

three. i need to practice patience more. my natural instinct is to hold big brother to an adult level of reasoning. i have to constantly remind myself that he is acting this way because …. well, he is 2. but it is really, really hard to stay calm when he is kicking or screaming or acting out over something as small as what shoes to put on before we leave the house.

four. wait for your husband to help you with the shopping if it is POURING down rain. seriously its just not worth it to try it on your own.

despite feeling unprepared sometimes, i also feel immense pride in the boys eddie and i are raising. straton can be so friendly and kind to other children, shares freely and lavishes us with affection. he is protective and sweet to his brother and delights us daily with his wild imagination and expressive dancing and fearless approach to life. every day with these two is both beautiful and challenging. but whatever their temperament, i take full credit. they are my babies … i claim them … and i will always be proud of them.

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